The Hatch Files

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Hatch grrrr... dawson needs a good smack in the head
MadDog he needs a good boof up the ass by some prison inmates...

MadDog YOU CAN HELP ME! Got a little problem... I saw a little brown blob fly across the floor in my lounge room tonight and it ended up behind the wall unit... right... now I thought "Shit.. a mouse... heavy..."... so I got a mouse trap.. one of those plastic grey ones that dont chop your fingers off.. you know.. the safety ones... anyway.. I put a blob of jam on it and put it at the opening behind the wall unit... 5 minutes ago... it went SNAP! ... hmmm... from what I can see with the torch, the trap has gone off, and there is some small dead creature's head inside of it.... I'm kinda freaked out right now... what if I pick up the trap and it falls out and starts twitching about the place.. I mean... I'm really freakin out!!!!
Hatch if it is twitching.. just stomp on it real good
MadDog NOOOOO!!!
Hatch or you could try and revive him, and name him Zanzaba...
MadDog nup.. Ive got my oven mitts, my bbq tongs, a mini shovel, a plastic bag, an old tea towel, and 3 pairs of underpants.... I'm goin in...
Hatch hehehe

Hatch You got that mouse yet?
MadDog I cant do it.. gonna try again...
Hatch can't do it.. its only a mouse..
Hatch and a dead one at that.
MadDog satan mouse..
MadDog and it might not be dead.. I might be just sitting there channeling its spiritual chi energy....
Hatch yeah.. or it might be dead.. get grace to do it..
MadDog she's asleep... okay.. I'll get it.. but if it starts shooting fireballs at me, I'll blame you!
Hatch hehe.. put it in the fridge in the egg carton or something.. and really freak grace out.. now that would be funny.
MadDog hhehehehee

MadDog the deed is done....
Hatch was it dead?
MadDog yeah... such a small little fellla too... just a baby... he ... he looked so cute... *sniff* he was just a baby.. *snif sniff*
Hatch baby.. and you KILLED HIM... you killer of animals.. I oughta report you to the RSPCA..
MadDog *sniff*
Hatch You're on your way to becoming a man.. well done.
MadDog *notices gonads have expanded in diameter by at least an inch*
Hatch Ok.. that was just a bit too much information..
MadDog dont lie... you loved that little bit of info...
Hatch to tell ya the truth.. yup.. my penis enlarged by at least an inch when you told me..
MadDog AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Now thats fucking scary!
Hatch I know.. if it gets any bigger.. I'm gonna have to take a mortage out on the house to make some more extensions on my penis warehouse holding device.
MadDog you mean a mortgage out on the house that you dont own....
Hatch yeah.. small tid bits of information that aren't important.
MadDog ahh.. tidbits...
Hatch hehe.. I wrote tit bits, but I had to change it.. dam brain.
MadDog AHA!! I am the squisher of rodents!! I am so manly!! My nads are the size of small houses!!
Hatch Ok.. I get your point.. you don't have to keep rubbing it in.
MadDog small houses I tell you!
Hatch *nods with the knowledge of the small house firmly imprinted on ones brain*

Hatch going to wash my hair
MadDog HAH! little girly hairwashing boy girl.. hahah1
Hatch Hey.. I need to wash my hair too ya know sometimes
MadDog dont ya wash it when you have a shower or something?
Hatch yeah.. when I have a shower in a minny.. I'll wash it.. I don't like wetting my hair everytime i have a shower though
MadDog oh... so youre not just going to wash your hair and your hair only are you.. like over a sink or something...
Hatch no.. I'll wash it when I'm in the shower, but I don't wet my hair everytime I take a shower.
MadDog ahhh.. well thats good.. your manliness has been restored...
Hatch good.. *off to restore his manliness*
MadDog dont forget the kleenex...

MadDog It is I, the Oracle.. ask of me any question you will and I shall miraculously answer it...
Hatch how come Stan of southpark doesn't have his period?
MadDog The Oracle knows no single answer to this question, for there is no single answer. For each of us, the answer is different. The trick is to know yourself well enough so that when the answer presents itself to you -- and it will -- you will be able to recognize it.
Hatch ah.. oh.. ok then mr oracle.. by the way.. I luved your database system
MadDog thank you.
Hatch not that I know how to use it or anything.
MadDog i wouldnt expect someone of you insolence to be able to control such a miraculous development in data management.
Hatch bugger you oracle dude..
MadDog Sorry.. damn oracle took over my keyboard again.. I've locked him in the cupboard again....

Hatch I'm waiting for buffy
MadDog ahh.. might change the channel then...
Hatch good idea
MadDog I'm full of good ideas... like get this... a little paddle attached to a rubber ball by a length of elastic... then you hit the ball with the paddle, then it bounces back, because of the elastic and all... cool eh? I reckon i could market that... call it the "Boingo-Bat"
Hatch ahh.. mate.. I think someone's already come up with that idea... ever been to the shepp show.. I used to get those crappy toys in the show bags... the image of one of those toys must have been put there in your unconcious mind, without you knowing.. thats why its called the unconcious mind.

Hatch yeah.. all the celebs have big mouths.. haven't you noticed that.. saw some interview with Julia Roberts the other day, and my god has she got a mouth and a half.. Hmm.. didn't take me long to realise how she got into the business...
MadDog yeah... I heard she makes nice blueberry muffins...
Hatch whats that got to do with the size of her mouth?
MadDog well.. umm.. theres.. ummm... well theyre big muffins.. so she has a big mouth to eat the muffins.. and she gives them to the casting directors so she can get roles in movies... isnt that what you were talking about?

MadDog Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Braden M hehehehe.. quite true.. :-)

MadDog Florida University (at) Cape Kennedy heheh.. F.U.C.K.! hehehe
Braden M woohoo.. wish I hadda gone to F.U.C.K univeristy.. I hear the chicks go right orrff there..

MadDog when you play duke3d, and you're around one of the dancing ladies, do you ever... well do you ever just sort of slip your left hand down from the run button for a sec.. not for long, but do you every ... gently squeeze your testicles? ... I don't, I was just curious.

Braden M I did all for the COOKIE.. uh the COOKIE uh.. the COOKIE.. so you can taste me cookies.. I baked it in the OVEN, baked it in the OVEN, baked it in the OVEN. My alternate chefs version of Nookie...

MadDog "sir, I'm asking you ONE more time... DID YOU LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE PENIS?"
Braden M hehe.. I understand your dilemma
MadDog you dont understand shit man... nobody understands... you dont know what its like to be adopted!!!
Braden M Quote from Tad from Neighbours..
MadDog Braden.. Youre acting like a real jerk lately, you know that? You just leave harold alone.. Were just trying to help...
Braden M Well sorry ... PAUL lover.. :-)q
MadDog Youre such a little brat
Braden M You are such a rupunzal loving goose eye chicken sandwhich biting delivery boy ... ya know that..
MadDog youve got cerebral herpes
Braden M you've.. um.. you.. yeah.. you've got.. got milk.. :-)

MadDog Thats the 3rd time that hippy dredlock guy has been to the toilet in the last 10 minutes... I think he may be incontinent
Braden M hahhaa.. or maybe he's stealing our toilet paper.
MadDog I think he may...
Braden M and hiding it up his arse..
MadDog hiding it in his hair..
Braden M or swallowing them, then turding them out, and wiping his arse to clean up the mess.
MadDog possibly... I think...

Braden M no where on the web can I find how to do the death touch.. this sux..
MadDog Ask me... I know all
Braden M Um.. how do I kill people?
MadDog like this... *kills you*
Braden M ahhh... :-)
MadDog *rivives you with leaves from the mana tree* There my child... re you enligtened?
Braden M Ooh.. mana tree tasty.. yummy yummy!
MadDog Good... now be off with you...

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