The Hatch Files

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Braden M I'm fucking scary..
MadDog *whimper*
Braden M I thought so little one.. come with me, and pray to the light, that the evil one has become quiet once again, and is at ease with the gods of the shaolin monks of braden temple.
MadDog is that like Shirley Temple?
Braden M yup.. she's my god.
MadDog She's pretty cool...
Braden M Yeah.. I know.. she comes from the Goodship Lollypop ya know..

MadDog Kylie just pointed at gracie and said "Youve got pink bits"
Braden M hahha.. very appropriate actually.. kinda..

MadDog 8===========o heheh.. thats an ascii penis.. heheh
Braden M Um.. yeah.. ok.. asci penis it is.. righto.. where's the straight jacket..
MadDog here it is.. *hands you the straight jacket*
Braden M Why thank you kinda freako nazi germany asci loving penis creator!
MadDog :===o)
Braden M Arggghh.. freaking out kind of..

MadDog Obi Wan was always smiling. Like the geezer knew something that you didn't. That's what the force is all about. The force means you are smarter than everyone else and you can sit back and think, "I am one smart motherfucker, I have the force." You can know things that other idiots don't and when someone tries to bother you or won't do what you want - you just smile and you kick their ass with the force. This is the way that things work in life.
Braden M hehehe.. he's right ya know.. :-)

MadDog hey... you know those guys that go around sticking fruit up each others bottoms, right?
Braden M Umm.. nope.. who are these people? Do you have photo's?
MadDog yeah... theyre friends of yours, arent they?
Braden M N'ah, you've got it mixed up with my friends that stick the fruit in their mouths as opposed to their bottoms.. innocent mistake.. you're forgiven.
MadDog Ahhhh... Okay then... well anyway, back to the point, do you get, like, discounts on fruits and stuff? Cause Ive got a hankerin for some kiwi fruits...
Braden M Um.. no, I'm no fruit boy, and especially not a kiwi fruit boy..
MadDog dang it.. What about light and fluffy pastries? cause I could do with one of them too....
Braden M Ok.. change of subject..

MadDog 1 day 7 hours until ps2 launch in japan...
Braden M woohoo for you actually knowing the hours..
MadDog its like the biggest ever prelaunch hype in japan for any electronic device launch...
Braden M nearly as big as the sony walkman probably, or one of those calculator wrist watches that came out in the 80's..
MadDog check it out.. Ive spelled SHELL OIL
Braden M or BOOBIES..

Braden M If you change your mind, I'll be the first in line, baby I'm still free, take a dump on me... :-) Thats the weird arse shit eaters version. hheehe
MadDog *falls off chair*
Braden M Mama Mia, here I go again.. My my.. how could shit on you... You guessed it.. the shit eaters version..
MadDog GAH!! Me thinks you have a bit on an unhealthy obsession there, m'lad....
Braden M no.. the shit is a cover for me cheese obsession.. I use the word shit instead of cheese so I don't look so freakish..
MadDog Ch... ch.... cheese?... Aaahhhh... *faints*

MadDog Red Hat is worth $8.1 Billion... not bad for a company that distributes free software....
Braden M shit yeah.. I might start up a company and call it blue hat, and then distribute software and charge for it, I might make more money I reckon.
MadDog yeah.. cause blue really is a better colour....
Braden M and I could have that Blue da ba dee song as my theme song.
MadDog yeah..

MadDog jammin... we be jammin.. I hope you like jammin too... jammin... we be jammin.. I hope you like jammin too... jammin... we be jammin.. I hope you like jammin too... jammin... we be jammin.. I hope you like jammin too... jammin... we be jammin.. I hope you like jammin too...
Braden M That can be the jammin song..
MadDog yeah... we should get the tabs for it
Braden M yeah.. I'll have a look this arvo.

MadDog hey... we should do a kenny rogers song man... its a ballad.. I reckon its cool... the song that is.. not kenny... he sucks large savaloys... and he's old... and stuff... so dont think I love kenny or anything...
Braden M Hmm.. umm.. yeah.. Ok then.. I'll believe you this one time.. you don't love Kenny any more..
MadDog i NEVER DID MAN... kenny bites turds.... then he chews them up... and swallows them!!
Braden M whoa.. swallows them.. nobody told me that.. now I believe ya..

MadDog that sophie monk chick has the best tits.... and her name is sophie monk.. and she looks like a chipmonk..
Braden M fucken oath she does... tit-o-rama...
MadDog and chipmonk o rama
Braden M n'ah.. I'd still do her ten times over and then some.
MadDog yeah... chipmonk sex.... cool...
Braden M Q: What was the criteria behind the judging? A: The girls had to have strong vocal abilities, excellent dance skills and be able to fit into a group with distinctive voice qualities that complemented one another. They also had to be able to perform oral sex on demand.
MadDog heheheh... and the must look like a chipmonk

MadDog found a song on napster called "Stick the Fucking Flag Up Your Goddamn Ass, you Sonofabitch
Braden M woohoo.. its not Tism is it?
MadDog nah.. theyre called Propaghandi
Braden M maybe their like Tism, but don't wear masks..
MadDog yeah... or maybe they wear HUGE masks!
Braden M or maybe they wear big cheese hats or something.
MadDog yeah.. or doodles.. cheese doodles that is...
Braden M or big arse slippers with bunny rabbit heads on them or something.. ya know.. propaghandi.. bunnys.. it all links together my friend.
MadDog yeah... ... I can see them on stage now....
Braden M or maybe they all dress like ghandi, and are all bald.
MadDog yeah.... ... heavy man....

MadDog that chick in the cafe's fat ass is hanging out of her pants...
Braden M yeah.. she's an arse-hanger-out-er-a...
MadDog its spilling out onto the floor now! goddamn...
MadDog Hup.. she had to stand up and tuck it in again... she had to use a bobcat to scoop it all up...
Braden M hehehe.. sounds about right.
MadDog she just hauled her ass into a wheelbarrow and left...

MadDog *wiggles thumbs in your face* Check it out... opposable thumbs! Cool eh?
Braden M never opposable.. always impossible...
MadDog ofcourse...

MadDog Hiya.. I know youre off in Melbourne doing God knows what, but I just thought I'd tell ya that that chick is here again... and her ass is even bigger than ever! She even has a couple of little dwarves that follow her around to help keep her ass up off the floor.
MadDog My Lord.. What a big fat ass!

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